As parents we do our very best to raise children who are kind, respectful, empathetic and caring. In other words, we are doing what we can not to raise assholes. Let’s be honest. Sometimes our kids lose their way for a moment, they need to be pulled back into line, they need to be reminded there is a difference between being brutally honest and being hurtful.
More often than not they are showing off infront of a crowd because they are still trying to figure out EXACTLY who they are. Where they fit in, which lane to take, with hopefully a good number of detours, because those detours will teach them the way home.
Their insecurities are building, their need to fit in is extreme, and they are making choices at times that are as dumb as the next. Are they assholes? No. Well let’s hope not. 😉 Is it my job, our job as a tribe to work together to guide them, and teach them through their mistakes? Of course.
I have always been a big believer in teaching my kids live their truth, be who they are, and to know that is the ONLY person they need to be. I will model kindness, love, respect of every human, every diversity there is. That being said, as much as this IS the goal, there will be moments, there will be issues, there will be times where your left pondering in a state of panic what the hell you’re doing wrong. This is the norm. This is ok.
Let me tell you something, it took me a long time to realize the hard times are no reflection on my parenting. Keep in mind I still I go back in my head, replaying how I handled certain situations time and time again, like a rerun of an old show. Then I step back, something clicks and I just realize, THIS IS LIFE. THIS IS THE JOURNEY. I will make mistakes.
These are our children. They are learning just as much as we are. Every child has a part, we teach our children to own that part, to embrace the lesson, and to move forward with better decisions and more conscious behavior.
There have been times where my children are at fault, and times where other children have needed to have accountability, and seek ownership for their actions. It’s my belief that at times we have developed an attitude of “Not my kid” however, YES your kid and mine as well.
What are we teaching them if they are brought up to believe ownership is something to never be accepted? How will they learn? All of our children have a part at one time or another.
We have to remember NOT to be defensive, we are all in it together, navigating through the journey of parenthood. It’s beautiful and incredible and the amount of love felt you can’t describe. In turn it’s damn hard.
Let’s face it, it’s why we get together for wine on a Wednesday, or mutter the occasional “F” bomb up the stairs as you slip on a piece of clothing you demanded they put away 2 days ago. Why you lose count on eye rolls during the week, and you are taken back to your own mom telling you, “They will stay that way if you continue.”
We are proud for their moments of pure generosity, we are proud when they pat their fellow teammate on the back. We are proud when they stand up for one and other. We are proud when inclusivity is just their way.
And when we know they have made a mistake? Are struggling? Well….. we make it a teachable moment. Approach them with love, and guide them through the wrong to the right. Ensure they know it, own it, and move forward with a clear understanding.
I look to the opportunity for the teachable moments, and I never forget of all the things they do right. We are doing our best, you are doing your best, and when we come together without judgement, with only empathy, and looks of understanding, and the occasional clink of our wine glasses in a good old “oh my god these kids” session, then we will be truly successful in getting through this journey together.